Untitled ficlet no. 2

On their way to Roy's home after a prolonged evening at the bar, both of them perhaps slightly more tipsy than is proper, Ed walks besides Roy and says, "You don't like doing it."

In a purposefully neutral tone, Roy replies, "I don't like doing it. It's… bothersome."

Ed splutters.

"Bothersome?" he repeats, mouth agape and eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets. "You find it bothersome? The most convenient thing that could happen to an alchemist — oh
come on, you know it's true — the most convenient thing, and you think it's bothersome?"

Roy squares his shoulders, grits his teeth, and stubbornly walks on ahead, ignoring Ed when he falls slightly behind. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

"You're just lazy," Ed says with mirth in his voice. "You're too lazy to come up with arrays on the
go. You're out of practice, Mustang — " and now he sounds positively delighted, like Roy's — non-existent, thank you very much — incompetence is his most wonderful source of amusement.

Roy's teeth grind, and he whirls around to face Edward, and — his coat, artfully arranged on his shoulders, slips with the abrupt movement. Roy startles when he feels it slide off and whips right back around to catch it, stumbling when he doesn't. It flutters to the ground and lies there sadly, and Roy's feet in their scramble catch at the hem of it in an unfortunate way. He kind of hops awkwardly on one foot to avoid stepping on the coat and dirtying it even further.

It's all rather ungraceful, if he's honest with himself.

He carefully regains his balance, bends down to snatch the coat from the ground, and shakes it out. Arranging it over his bent forearm — there's no way he's putting it back on after its close encounter with the damp ground — he turns to face Edward again; slowly, slowly, preparing to face whatever mockery is surely coming his way.

Edward, of course, doesn't disappoint. He's staring at Roy with wide eyes, his hand over his mouth in a futile attempt to keep the laughter in. Roy would appreciate it better had it worked, but when their eyes meet, Edward just — breaks. He bursts out into full-bellied laughter with an ugly snort and doubles over, hands planted on his knees. "Oh my fucking — " he manages to get out through his wheezing.

Roy sighs. It's his only consolation that Ed is the only one around now, the only witness to the pathetic display that is Brigadier General Roy Mustang. Then again, Ed is the only person capable of bringing out this very side of Roy these days in the first place. Roy sighs again and hopes it's loud enough that Ed hears it even over his own snickering.

If Ed does, he ignores it completely and just continues in his cackling.

Roy scowls. "It was hardly that funny," he says flatly, nonchalantly, his eyebrows raised and back straight. He's most definitely not blushing.

But when Edward lifts his eyes to meet Roy's, Roy must truly look indignant, because Ed starts howling with laughter again. "Roy, for fuck's sake — "

The corners of Roy's mouth twitch. If anyone were to ask, Roy would insist it was with irritation rather than with the beginnings of a smile, but — there's no one around to question him now, is there? Roy sighs one final time and gives in.

At least Ed isn't pestering him about alchemy anymore.